Do-Overs

XPost / Original October 2, 2008

So, I took the CRP test again. I had not taken my medicine the night before and was absolutely miserable the entire day. The idea was, the more miserable I felt, the higher the test result would be. Of course, it can't be that simple, right? Seriously, this is MY life. Not only was it still not high enough, but it was actually LOWER than the first test. WTF, right? Exactly. It's extremely defeating to me .. it's like this test is mocking me, like my blood is arguing with the rest of my body. So, now what?

My doctor really wants me to be a part of this study. I think her reasons are two-fold: one, I am (from what I've seen) one of the youngest people she's seeing, and two, she knows the cost of treatment would be a ginormous burden on my family. So, we begin again. There is a 30-day window between the date of screening (baseline) and the first infusion. (Because the latest date of my initial window is when I'm booked to Seattle - YAY! - it just isn't going to work this time around.) If I am not deemed eligible in that time frame, I cannot participate. So, my next screening is scheduled for November 6. Between now and then, I need to induce a flare that will satisfy all of the tests. Because I absolutely cannot function for an entire month without my medicine, my plan is to be as active as I possibly can be in the next month, bring on the booze and milk and sugar, and stop taking my medicine a few days before the screening. If it doesn't work, then I just am not supposed to be part of this study for whatever reason.

I never imagined getting treatment would be so frustrating. It's taken me so long to just go in the first place, and now I'm just tired of the stiffness, the immobility, the pain, and every annoying aspect of this, I desperately want it to just go away. Dammit.